Supreme Satire

This letter to the editor was in the Salt Lake Tribune the other day. It is, without a doubt, one of the funniest things I've ever read. Well done, Mr. Edwards, well done.

"Not My Fire

As I listened to yet another politician argue for federal dollars to bail out American citizens, I grew angry. I refer to Gov. Gary Herbert's call for the U.S. Forest Service to cover firefighting costs associated with the Mill Flats fire ("Guv criticizes fire policies," Tribune, Aug. 31). The Forest Service's policy of letting the fires burn on federal lands is sound fiscal policy, for fighting fires merely consumes limited tax dollars that could be returned to us taxpayers.

Why should my taxes go to cover private residences built near wildlands where lightning fires are likely to occur? After all, these people are free to find market-based insurance to cover their needs.

Where in the Constitution does it say that fighting wildland fires is my responsibility? It's not my house or structures that are in danger, but those of people who clearly chose to live a lifestyle close to wildlands. I know that having a residence near wildlands makes the insurance more expensive for the owners, but that merely reflects free-market costs. It is reprehensible and un-American that they should ask that I cover their needs -- another indication of our increasing creep toward socialism.

Thomas Edwards
Logan"

Seriously, that is genius.

New Car

Obviously with the fact that I have a job that pays me well below the poverty level and that we have a new car already, I am certainly NOT in the market for a new car (plus, my current car is awesome). That being said, it is still fun to look, so here's some new cars I would be looking at IF I were in the market for one. And yes, I'm keeping this fairly realistic, otherwise, why wouldn't you go for the Lambo or something right? Also, keep in mind that I haven't driven any of these (and have only even sat in the Scion), but am going off of styling and things I have read/heard about them.

Honorable mention:
2009 Honda Fit Sport
It would have made the list, but there are two strikes against it. One, I don't like the styling on the new Fits as much as the previous ones. And two, we already have an 08 Fit, so obviously, I would probably prefer another car (as much as I love the Fit, and I do! Great car, HIGHLY recommended!). The Fit is go!




4:
2009 Scion xD (as I configured it: $18,151)
After Scion killed the amazingly awesome original xB (yes, the box car) and the cool xA, I was very sad. In fact, I'm still sad, the new xB is horrifically ugly. Poor, poor decision Scion/Toyota. Anyway, the replacement for the xA, the xD, while not perfect, is a nice car. There are a few unfortunate design flaws, however, keeping it from higher on the list, two in particular that stick out at the moment. One is the unfortunate massive blind spot created by that area behind the back side window. The other is that you have to pay over $150 to add the center armrest "option." Ridiculous. Even with the flaws, however, it's still a pretty sweet car that easily makes the list.

3:
2010 Kia Soul Sport (configured to $18,775)
There's a Kia dealership near where I work and every time I go to get gas in the work vans I drive by and see these out of the street showing off. Really funky, but still cool styling. Some of the color combinations are really odd, but somehow they pull it off. Plus, Kia is one of those makers that offer the 10 year/100,000 mile powertrain and 5 year/60,000 mile basic warranty, which would be very, very nice.




2:
2010 Honda Insight EX (configured to $22,109)
This is probably the only one on the list that is a bit of a stretch for me, but I'd still look into one if I were in the market. And in actuality, I would probably configure it a bit differently to cut some costs if I were really looking. As much as I like the Prius, they are a bit rich for my blood, while the Insight brings a hybrid a bit closer to my price range. Plus, my experience with Honda has been excellent, both with our Fit, which has given us 0 trouble, and with Willey Honda, who I can't recommend enough if you are looking into buying a car.





1:
2009 Nissan Cube 1.8SL ($18,150 as configured. I'm a sucker for the interior illumination kits!)
Ah yes, the next best thing to the old Scion xB. I've actually looked at this one up close when I saw one at Costco, and it is as awesome as in pictures! The rear wrap around window is super cool, I can't think of another car I've seen with anything like it! Plus, it is priced decently to boot! If I were given 20 grand and told to go buy a car right this second, well, this would be my new car for sure! So just take a minute and soak in the awesome...

Retro Game Challenge

After wanting to buy this game for ages and ages, I finally broke down on my birthday (on which Tori also got me Dragon Quest 5 [sweet!], which I will delve into after I finish Chrono Trigger, but I digress) and got it. Such a good decision. Anyone who grew up on the NES will be instantly at home with this. I'm honestly having a hard time pulling myself away from it, and it has reminded me how much I miss the old 2d games. If you have a DS, I can't recommend this one highly enough!

Hmmm...

It seems to me that ANY coin combination would by definition include pennies, but what do I know?

I've said it before and I'll say it again...

The people of West Jordan should be absolutely ashamed of themselves for once again re-electing this assclown last November. Is there a way to legally deny voting rights to an entire city???

The Coolest Marching Band Ever

Huge props to the Cal marching band.

Video Game Show:


Cartoon Show:


and, saving the best for last, the Ska Show:

Evil Parents

So I was watching TV last night and a commercial came on for a gospel music collection. One of the artists advertised, and I'm not making this up, was a guy by the name of Richard Smallwood. Seriously. What kind of butthole parents did this guy have? "Yeah, let's name our kid Dick Smallwood! Sweet!"

President's Day

An actual conversation I had today:

Co-worker 1: Oh look! We get President's Day off!
Co-worker 2: What are you dressing up as?
Me: I'm going as FDR; that way I get to sit in a wheelchair all day!

Does that make me a bad person?

Filthy

So my car is unbelievably dirty. It is now more of a red-tinged white than the red color it is supposed to be. It's from a combination of salt and dirt from the roads and pollution from our wonderfully smoggy air, mixed with a healthy dose of 'I can't remember the last time I washed my car.' Quite gross.

I have, however, come up with a few silver linings that come from having a disgusting looking car:

• I can't imagine anyone looking at my car and deciding to break into it.
• By never washing my car, the expectations are lowered and therefore no one notices that it looks even worse than usual.
• I don't have to worry about when the next storm is coming and how it will mess up my car.
• Best of all, I get to be lazy and not bother washing my car.

Finally, I'd like to point out that when I originally came up with the concept for this post, I had a clear direction in mind. The half hour between then and now has resulted in me forgetting the point I was going to make and has turned the post into what you see now. And no, you can't have that 5 minutes of your life back, sorry. Ha ha ha

The Most Unintentionally Funny Letter Ever

Here is a letter to the editor that appeared in a recent Salt Lake Tribune. It is hilarious. It goes by the simple title of "Unfair to Bush". Enjoy.

Why wait for a "verdict" on the Bush administration? It was positive.

Yes, the initial military intelligence on Iraq was faulty, but it convinced all parties. With weapons of mass destruction, do we take any chances? The administration acted boldly and persisted to the end to protect the homeland. Spreading freedom abroad includes keeping oil in the right hands.

Mistakes were made, but consider that Abraham Lincoln's Civil War did not go well at times. And George Washington lost more battles than he won and only a minority supported the Revolutionary War. Like them, George W. Bush had to deal with political problems, an unpopular war and apathy. Just because something is unpopular does not necessarily mean it is wrong.

Bush restored dignity to the office.

Charles Penrose
Bountiful

The parade of delusion on display here is both astounding and amusing. Let's hit a few of the funnier moments.

• Charles points out that Bush just wanted to "protect the homeland." I guess he didn't feel up to it when he ignored the intelligence warning him of 9/11. Or when he rolled back environmental regulations that might at the least protect Americans from toxins in the air and water, and at the extreme help prevent both coasts from being flooded out, displacing millions. Of course, as New Orleans proved, Bush IS a big fan of major American cities being flooded.
  
• Charles has determined all parties were convinced Iraq was a threat. Certainly if I was not convinced, then all parties were not. See also: Dennis Kucinich, the UN, most of Europe.
• Charles insists that we spread "freedom by keeping oil in the right hands." First of all, what in the hell does oil have to do with freedom? Also, why the assumption that all the world's natural resources belong to America? Gotta love that "God bless 'merica, and f@#$ everyone else" attitude.
• Charles then compares Bush/the Iraq war to Abe Lincoln/the Civil War and Washington/the Revolution. Really? I propose we start a fund to buy this guy a history book and a newspaper.
• Charles asserts that Bush faced "political problems." Such as? Having a Congress ruled by his party and sans backbone that rubber-stamped everything Bush sent their way? Perhaps he means the numerous scandals that plagued his presidency, like torture or rolling back civil rights via the patriot act or turning the executive branch into a near-dictatorship, etc. etc. etc. Funny, those all seem to stem from Bush himself; no one forced him to be evil.
• Charles states that "just because something is unpopular does not necessarily mean it is wrong." This is true. But Bush's war (and Bush himself) are unpopular BECAUSE they are wrong. Most people like the President to follow American law (which includes int'l treaties signed by the United States) and the American Constitution. Funny how we're sticklers like that.
  
• Finally, Charles decides that George W. Bush restored dignity to the Presidency. Enough said.
  

The Worst Road Sign Ever

90s Boy

A friend of mine and his sister like to occasionally call me "90s Boy", mainly because of my totally-grunged-out plaid jackets I like to wear, but also because of a lot of the music I listen to and expressions I use.

Well, I completely lived up to that moniker tonight. After playing some sweet N64 (and dominating Spam at Goldeneye), I got on iTunes and found a link to the '90s One Hit Wonder Collection'. After reminiscing about nearly all of the songs and rocking out to the sample of "Lucas With The Lid Off" (damn, that's a good song), I went ahead and finally bought "Fade Into You" by Mazzy Star. I'm now on my second consecutive playthrough of it. And with that, 90s Boy is out.

Uber Pwnage

The next wave in crime: Nerd Graffiti! Yes, I really saw this in a local Best Buy parking lot.

Sometimes life is awesome in weird, wonderful ways...

Clarification

In my last post I mentioned that "(t)he next BYU fan that mentions the '84 team to me as BYU's supposed superiority over Utah is getting punched in the face". What I meant to say was, "Since 99% of BYU fans are the most ill-informed and obnoxious in all of sports, the next one to mention BYU to me is getting punched in the face". Sorry for any misunderstanding.

Utes #1

The BCS is crap. The Utes will finish the season as the ONLY undefeated team. They should be national champs. In fact, they have a better record against BCS top 25 teams than does Florida (3-0 vs. 2-1). They destroyed an Alabama team that was #1 for much of the year. They are the #1 team, despite what anyone or any system tells you.

What makes this even worse is the fact that BYU fans STILL go on about their 1984 national championship team (a team that would more than likely get destroyed by not only this year's Utes, but the '04 edition as well, but I digress). If the 80s system were still in place Utah would be the definitive 2008 champs AND more than likely would have done it with a much easier bowl matchup. The next BYU fan that mentions the '84 team to me as BYU's supposed superiority over Utah is getting punched in the face.

In other words, death to the BCS!

First Post

Happy Joy Boy welcomes you to my new blog and stuff...

HI!!!